Poo for brains

My baby changing adventure during a recent unnamed sporting event at an unnamed sports complex.

I walked out of the women’s restroom disgusted – no baby changing station. I looked around for a quiet out of the way spot. I really didn’t want to change Baby Boy on the cement floor.

In an empty corridor, I found a coat check counter that wasn’t being used. The metal window was shut and no one was around. The ledge was narrow but it came up a little higher than my waist. Not bad for a makeshift changing table.

The diaper change was quick and easy – no surprises (no poo). I used Baby Boy's winter snuggly as padding so his little bottom never touched the counter. I had just finished snapping his onesie shut when I heard a voice behind me.

EVENT STAFFER: Well, this is a first.

I turned and looked up. A tall and lanky 20-something (obviously a work study student) was looking down at me.

EVENT STAFFER: Did you know it’s against state health codes to change a baby outside of a bathroom?

Translation: I am drunk with power because I have a shirt that says "Event Staff."

I flashed him my best smile and responded cheerfully without a hint of sarcasm (unusual for me).

DMG: Did you know there aren’t any baby changing stations in the bathrooms?

Translation: Look, poo for brains. If you had a stinkin’ baby station in the bathroom, I wouldn’t be out here using this ledge. So why don’t you make yourself useful and go ask your boss where I should change my kid. And while you’re at it, ask him where babies come from cuz from the looks of you I’m not sure you know.

The guy must not have been expecting me to push back cuz afterall, he had a very impressive event staff shirt.

EVENT STAFFER: (shuffling feet) Oh…uh…

After an awkward silence, I put him out of his misery.

DMG: (still cheerful) Well, I'm done so…how about I just remember not to do it for next time?

I must have really knocked him back on his heels because he never responded. He just smiled weakly and wandered off somewhere. I finished buttoning up Baby Boy and we went back to our seats. Sheesh!

So I wanna know from all the mommies out there when you’ve been without the proper baby changing facilities, what do you do? Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever had to perform “diaper duty?”

My mom said she once had to change me on a luggage rack in the airport because customs wouldn't let the passengers leave the holding area.