Happy Stupid American Day
Let me be the first to wish you a Happy Stupid American Day. On May 1, millions of people will take to the streets demanding amnesty and automatic citizenship for all ILLEGAL immigrants living in the United States. Did you get that? ILLEGAL immigrants. Say it with me - ILLEGAL.
Seriously – I don’t have a problem with immigration. I would just like there to be some kind of process in place where the laws are enforced, the criminal element is kept out, and the people who truly want to come here and be law abiding productive citizens can get in. Is that really too much to ask?
Why do I call it Stupid American Day? Simple - decades of border chaos with both Republicans and Democrats shutting their eyes, covering their ears and saying, "LA! LA! LA! LA!" at the top of their lungs has brought us to this point. Nothing has been done because politicians have been too busy playing politics.
The American people are generous. We've opened our arms to the rest of the world but we are the only industrialized nation that does not enforce its own immigration laws. As a nation, we bend over backwards to protect the rights of others but do little to protect ourselves – our citizens and our way of life - and that is dangerously stupid. You think you could walk into France and demand all the rights and privileges of a French citizen? Good luck with that - let me know how Jacque treats you.
Bumper sticker political rhetoric will not solve our immigration problem. It takes guts to pass the laws to fix the problem and then courage to follow through with enforcement.
So Happy Stupid American Day everyone! If things go badly tomorrow, we only have ourselves to blame.
UPDATE: MAY 1
Stupid American beating a dead horse
Des Moines survived it's Day Without Immigrants (a.k.a. Stupid American Day). My only inconvenience was the vending machine at work wasn’t restocked – not that I really needed the animal crackers. I made due with the tiny pretzels.
To borrow some terminology from the Des Moines Register:
A rose to all the immigrants who did not succumb to cheap, political grandstanding and went to work and school as usual today.
A thistle to the local news media who made this look like a strictly Hispanic issue. Not once did I see an interview on television or in the paper about the other immigrant populations living in Des Moines (Bosnian, Eastern European, Vietnamese or Sudanese to name a view). How do they feel about immigration, especially if they came here legally?
Another thistle to all local and national media for blurring the lines between legal and illegal immigration, and making it sound like if you are against illegal immigration you are a racist.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
Ten things I've learned
1. Never get a new hair cut when you're in a bad mood.
2. Never go clothes shopping when you're retaining water.
3. Never use red wine to make cheese fondue.
4. Never use Miracle Whip to fry chicken.
5. Good advice is still good advice even if everyone else thinks it 's old fashioned.
6. The longer you stare at your butt in the mirror, the larger it will look.
7. If you leave an apple in the refrigerator long enough, it will eventually liquify.
8. Find the funny - if you can laugh about it, then it wasn't all that bad.
10. If you nuke a marshmallow peep in the microwave, you will get a giant, mutant, peep (which is really cool).
11. Bonus!!! - "Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." - John 16:33
1. Never get a new hair cut when you're in a bad mood.
2. Never go clothes shopping when you're retaining water.
3. Never use red wine to make cheese fondue.
4. Never use Miracle Whip to fry chicken.
5. Good advice is still good advice even if everyone else thinks it 's old fashioned.
6. The longer you stare at your butt in the mirror, the larger it will look.
7. If you leave an apple in the refrigerator long enough, it will eventually liquify.
8. Find the funny - if you can laugh about it, then it wasn't all that bad.
10. If you nuke a marshmallow peep in the microwave, you will get a giant, mutant, peep (which is really cool).
11. Bonus!!! - "Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." - John 16:33
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tales from the house of drama
From the moment I picked up darling daughter from day care, we’ve had nothing but DRAMA!
1. There was an envelope in little girl’s bucket at school. I made the mistake of opening it. When she saw it, she burst into tears because she wanted to open it. Screamed half way home.
2. After apologizing a gazillion times for my mistake (you have no idea how sorry I was), she forgave me. She wanted me to read the card inside. It was a thank you note from a birthday party we went to last weekend. This caused more DRAMA because she thought it was a birthday invitation. Screamed the rest of the way home.
3. We make it home in one piece. It’s costume night at dance class. On the way to class I explain, “Mommy doesn’t know what color your dress is but I am sure it will be beautiful!” Little girl responds, “I WANT TO BE SLEEPING BEAUTY AND I WANT IT PINK!!!!!”…sigh… Thankfully, once she saw her dress she loved it (not pink and not sleeping beauty – red and black with a poofy white skirt and sparkly red hat).
4. While getting darling daughter ready for bed, I accidentally knocked a small Mickey Mouse snow globe off her desk and it broke all over the wood floor (son-of-a-coal-minor's-daughter!!!!) Again – I apologize profusely (mommy can do nothing right today). Little girl took it surprisingly well and forgave me. I wiped up the water, the glass and the glitter with leftover Subway napkins and toilet paper because for some reason there are NO PAPER TOWELS OR NAPKINS IN THE HOUSE!!! (grrr!)
5. While reading little girl her bed time story, hubby walked into the bedroom (barefoot) and found the one piece of glass left on the floor. He is fine – nothing a band-aid couldn’t handle.
Is this day over yet?
On a more positive note...
As a true blue Drake University alum, I must say Happy Drake Relays everybody!
From the moment I picked up darling daughter from day care, we’ve had nothing but DRAMA!
1. There was an envelope in little girl’s bucket at school. I made the mistake of opening it. When she saw it, she burst into tears because she wanted to open it. Screamed half way home.
2. After apologizing a gazillion times for my mistake (you have no idea how sorry I was), she forgave me. She wanted me to read the card inside. It was a thank you note from a birthday party we went to last weekend. This caused more DRAMA because she thought it was a birthday invitation. Screamed the rest of the way home.
3. We make it home in one piece. It’s costume night at dance class. On the way to class I explain, “Mommy doesn’t know what color your dress is but I am sure it will be beautiful!” Little girl responds, “I WANT TO BE SLEEPING BEAUTY AND I WANT IT PINK!!!!!”…sigh… Thankfully, once she saw her dress she loved it (not pink and not sleeping beauty – red and black with a poofy white skirt and sparkly red hat).
4. While getting darling daughter ready for bed, I accidentally knocked a small Mickey Mouse snow globe off her desk and it broke all over the wood floor (son-of-a-coal-minor's-daughter!!!!) Again – I apologize profusely (mommy can do nothing right today). Little girl took it surprisingly well and forgave me. I wiped up the water, the glass and the glitter with leftover Subway napkins and toilet paper because for some reason there are NO PAPER TOWELS OR NAPKINS IN THE HOUSE!!! (grrr!)
5. While reading little girl her bed time story, hubby walked into the bedroom (barefoot) and found the one piece of glass left on the floor. He is fine – nothing a band-aid couldn’t handle.
Is this day over yet?
On a more positive note...
As a true blue Drake University alum, I must say Happy Drake Relays everybody!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Friends shouldn't let friends get naked and climb into chimneys
HAYWARD, Calif. - A man who spent five hours naked and stuck in the chimney of his stepmother's home was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of drugs, police said.
Police arrest nude man stuck in chimney
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/04/24/D8H6L8TO0.html
Suspicion of drugs?!?? Ya think? What would the guy have to do to be arrested on "absolute certainty of being under the influence of drugs" - be found stuck in a chimney naked and...
a) ...wearing a tiara.
b) ...singing, Cocain by Eric Clapton.
c) ...performing old Cheech and Chong routines.
d) ...surrounded by the remains of two dozen twinkie wrappers.
I am slightly disturbed by this next sentence in the article.
He was freed when a firefighter pushed him to safety.
Remember - the guy is naked, most likely still high, and has been stuck in the chimney for 5 hours. How'd you like to be the fireman?
Wife: What did you do at work today honey?
Fireman: Pushed a naked guy out of a chimney...
Wife: I'll get the hose...
Eeeew!
Monday, April 24, 2006
I hate shopping…
I know that sounds weird but I really, really do. I hate shopping more than PETA hates all you can eat rib night. I would love to be the woman with a closet full of just-the-right-outfits for every occasion but I don’t have the time, the money or the patience required to spend hours trying on clothes. Here’s what happened yesterday.
The three of us go shopping to stock up on some summer clothes. Darling daughter is starting to get that Brittany-Spears-bare-mid-drift look because last years shirts are getting a little short on her. Hubby needs some business casual for summer and I…well I need a little bit of everything because as usual my closet is one fashion faux pas away from complete and total wardrobe failure. We go to the little girl section first.
Daughter is easy. She’s still at that age where she doesn’t need to try anything on. All we have to do is find some shirts we like in the next size up. Same for shoes although with the way her feet grow I always have to double check her size – this time a size 10. (I think a growth spurt is coming – her feet always grow first)
Now it’s my turn. Hubby takes darling daughter so I can shop in peace and quiet. I stay in the shoe section. My mission – to find a pair of brown sandals, maybe some slides. Shoes should be easy, right? Wrong.
It’s no wonder Cinderella lost her slipper
The first pair of slides I try on I can’t even get my freakin’ foot into the shoe. I try the next size up but the straps going across the top of the foot are still too tight and now the rest of the shoe is too long. Fine. I go to another brand. The same thing happens!!! So I give up trying to cram my unwieldy hoof into Cinderella’s slipper and move on to the women’s department, my mood quickly souring.
My first pass through the racks does nothing to improve my mood. I’m sorry, but brown and turquoise peasant tops and broomstick skirts weren’t “me” in the 70s and they certainly aren’t “me” now. I can’t wear that stuff to work. Anyone know where I can buy a bottle of liquid nostalgia? Maybe if I drank some…
I return to hubby in the men’s department in a foul mood (that’s without trying anything on – can you imagine if I had?). Hubby has found mountains of clothing, “Just what I’ve been looking for!” he says. I offer to take darling daughter for a spin so he can shop free and easy for awhile. I was also beginning to have homocidal thoughts but I didn't tell hubby that (He didn't even try anything on! He found the right size, took it home and it fit perfectly!!!)
Department store rage
I take a few laps around the store to cool off and then head back to the women’s department. I have to buy something or move to a nudist colony. Darling daughter wants to get out of the cart so I stop to look at a jacket and some tops. In my mood, I’m going no where near the low rise, boot cut, stretch jeans (what mutant woman’s body is shaped like that?!?!?).
I finally decide on a black and white patterned jacket to go with some black capris already in my wardrobe, two polos and a flowered scoop neck tee. Hubby comes to find me and is amazed I actually put something in the cart (he’s shopped with me before). It’s not a lot but at least it’s something. We call it a day – my mood won’t handle another store.
Free primal scream with every purchase
I would like shopping a lot more if I could find clothes I liked and looked good on me (what a concept!). I don’t know why I have this problem. I don’t have a weirdly shaped body (at least I don’t think so). I take a 7 ½ shoe a size 8/10 pants. Last I checked that’s fairly average.
I think my biggest obstacle is like most mommies I have to shop on a budget. I have a lot less trouble when I shop in the pricier stores with the better brands but I can’t stretch my dollar as far. Secondly – I admit, I’m picky. I just don’t go for the really trendy styles. I’m a classic, Brooks Brother’s kind of gal on a sale rack budget…sigh… Maybe there’s a 12-step program out there I can join (Lousy Shoppers Anonymous)…
Roll-on-the-floor funny!
Have you ever asked yourself, “If Martin Luther was a movie critic, what would he say about today’s popular movies?”
You haven’t?!?!? Surely you jest!!! Either way, check out Luther at the Movies http://lutheratthemovies.blogspot.com. You won’t regret it.
Gotta give props to Caroline http://paradisetownship.blogspot.com/ and the Aardvark http://aardvarkalley.blogspot.com/2006/04/confessional-cinematic-criticism.html for this cyber tip.
I know that sounds weird but I really, really do. I hate shopping more than PETA hates all you can eat rib night. I would love to be the woman with a closet full of just-the-right-outfits for every occasion but I don’t have the time, the money or the patience required to spend hours trying on clothes. Here’s what happened yesterday.
The three of us go shopping to stock up on some summer clothes. Darling daughter is starting to get that Brittany-Spears-bare-mid-drift look because last years shirts are getting a little short on her. Hubby needs some business casual for summer and I…well I need a little bit of everything because as usual my closet is one fashion faux pas away from complete and total wardrobe failure. We go to the little girl section first.
Daughter is easy. She’s still at that age where she doesn’t need to try anything on. All we have to do is find some shirts we like in the next size up. Same for shoes although with the way her feet grow I always have to double check her size – this time a size 10. (I think a growth spurt is coming – her feet always grow first)
Now it’s my turn. Hubby takes darling daughter so I can shop in peace and quiet. I stay in the shoe section. My mission – to find a pair of brown sandals, maybe some slides. Shoes should be easy, right? Wrong.
It’s no wonder Cinderella lost her slipper
The first pair of slides I try on I can’t even get my freakin’ foot into the shoe. I try the next size up but the straps going across the top of the foot are still too tight and now the rest of the shoe is too long. Fine. I go to another brand. The same thing happens!!! So I give up trying to cram my unwieldy hoof into Cinderella’s slipper and move on to the women’s department, my mood quickly souring.
My first pass through the racks does nothing to improve my mood. I’m sorry, but brown and turquoise peasant tops and broomstick skirts weren’t “me” in the 70s and they certainly aren’t “me” now. I can’t wear that stuff to work. Anyone know where I can buy a bottle of liquid nostalgia? Maybe if I drank some…
I return to hubby in the men’s department in a foul mood (that’s without trying anything on – can you imagine if I had?). Hubby has found mountains of clothing, “Just what I’ve been looking for!” he says. I offer to take darling daughter for a spin so he can shop free and easy for awhile. I was also beginning to have homocidal thoughts but I didn't tell hubby that (He didn't even try anything on! He found the right size, took it home and it fit perfectly!!!)
Department store rage
I take a few laps around the store to cool off and then head back to the women’s department. I have to buy something or move to a nudist colony. Darling daughter wants to get out of the cart so I stop to look at a jacket and some tops. In my mood, I’m going no where near the low rise, boot cut, stretch jeans (what mutant woman’s body is shaped like that?!?!?).
I finally decide on a black and white patterned jacket to go with some black capris already in my wardrobe, two polos and a flowered scoop neck tee. Hubby comes to find me and is amazed I actually put something in the cart (he’s shopped with me before). It’s not a lot but at least it’s something. We call it a day – my mood won’t handle another store.
Free primal scream with every purchase
I would like shopping a lot more if I could find clothes I liked and looked good on me (what a concept!). I don’t know why I have this problem. I don’t have a weirdly shaped body (at least I don’t think so). I take a 7 ½ shoe a size 8/10 pants. Last I checked that’s fairly average.
I think my biggest obstacle is like most mommies I have to shop on a budget. I have a lot less trouble when I shop in the pricier stores with the better brands but I can’t stretch my dollar as far. Secondly – I admit, I’m picky. I just don’t go for the really trendy styles. I’m a classic, Brooks Brother’s kind of gal on a sale rack budget…sigh… Maybe there’s a 12-step program out there I can join (Lousy Shoppers Anonymous)…
Roll-on-the-floor funny!
Have you ever asked yourself, “If Martin Luther was a movie critic, what would he say about today’s popular movies?”
You haven’t?!?!? Surely you jest!!! Either way, check out Luther at the Movies http://lutheratthemovies.blogspot.com. You won’t regret it.
Gotta give props to Caroline http://paradisetownship.blogspot.com/ and the Aardvark http://aardvarkalley.blogspot.com/2006/04/confessional-cinematic-criticism.html for this cyber tip.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Screw you guys, I’m flying Air Arabia…
So is it just me, or do these guys look familiar.
So is it just me, or do these guys look familiar.
Air Arabia, a discount carrier based in the United Arab Emirates, features on its website the images of animated children who bear a striking resemblance to Stan, Kyle and Eric from the Comedy Central hit, South Park.
HEY! That's a big pile of camel poo!
What would Saddam do?
They killed Mustaffa! You infidel!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Momma MiaSo a friend of mine calls me on Sunday and says she has two free tickets to the Smart Talk Women's Lecture Series on Monday night and wanted to see if I'd like to go - Mia Farrow was the guest speaker.
I am not a Mia Farrow fan. That's not to say I dislike her - my feelings toward her are more along the lines of indifference. What little I know about her could be summed up in two sentences. She's a 1960s era, crazy flower-child actress who at one point starred in Rosemary's Baby and adopted a whole truck load of kids and was romantically linked to Woody Allen until he started playing "Daddy Dearest," the big pervert, and she kicked him out. Okay - that was really one, long, run-on sentence and not two - so sue me.
I told my friend I would go with her but I was secretly harboring three concerns of the type of evening we were setting ourselves up for:
1. Oprah-fication - meaning a lot of false spirituality, self actualization, and psychobabble mumbo jumbo for the "more money than sense" crowd (not really my bag of tricks).
2.I am woman hear me roar - let's get together and verbally castrate men...(definitely not my bag of tricks)
3. The political ambush - let's get together under the guise of "talking as women" only to have it turn into a political, agenda-driven, Wellstone-esque pep rally (10 minutes and I'm out there - 20 if I think it might make for good blog material)
I am happy to report the evening did not fall into any of the above three categories. Mia Farrow was for the most part intelligent and articulate (a few moments of flakiness when she went off script). She talked about her life and the many ups and downs and detours she took. She was very funny and included several tidbits about the many famous people she met along the way. I think my favorite story was about her riding in an elevator with Salvador Dali.
She talked about faith, love and loss, and overcoming pain and disappointment, but mostly she talked about her children and how much she loves and cares for every single one of them. She even talked about Woody Allen, the big pervert, and revealed that while she doesn't wish bad things would happen to him she does take a little pleasure in the fact his movies are not doing as well as they used to. I can't say as I blame her.
If I were to sum up my impression of Mia Farrow I would say I had this unmistakeable feeling of watching a "little girl lost." She still exudes a child like innocence and displays mannerisms more akin to a woman in her 20s than a "mature woman." I chalk it up to her own loss of innocence from when she suffered from polio as a child.
So overall it was a nice evening and it made for some good conversation for my friend and I during the ride home. I'm not sure I would have gone had the tickets not been free but I am happy I went.
Picture from www.civiccenter.org
Monday, April 17, 2006
I just got back from the Smart Talk Women's Lecture Series at the Civic Center. Mia Farrow was tonight's featured speaker. I was pleasantly surprised but I will save my comments for another post. Below is the wrap up of our Easter weekend.
Pea soup not included
We spent Easter with mother-in-law and hubby's extended family (Aunt, Uncle and cousins) from Missouri. All was well until I had an attack of "psycho" mommy, Linda Blair style.
We were all sitting at the table ready for dessert. Cup cakes and ice cream were being passed out when mother-in-law produces yet another cake, "Who wants cake?" she asked. Darling daughter already had a cup cake and was waiting to be served ice cream said, "I want some cake." I tell her she had a cup cake and I would get her some ice cream very soon.
Like most children her age I have to tell her three times, "No - you already have a cup cake. Your ice cream is coming." After the third time, I hear darling mother-in-law say in a loud stage whisper and in a tone that suggested she thought I was being ridiculous, "Oh, she can have a piece of cake!" Suddenly my head spins 360 degrees and I say ratherly crossly (and loudly),
She may NOT have the equivelent of TWO pieces of cake. She may have SOME ice cream!
Unfortunately for mother-in-law she was caught in the cross fire because I was already frustrated with trying to explain to daughter that a cup cake was just as good as a piece of cake and that ice cream was on its way. On the other hand she heard me tell darling daughter (three times) she was not to have a piece of cake because she already had a cup cake. Thank heavens daughter did not overhear what she said. I have grown so very weary of, "But Grandma said I could!"
I did not look to see the expression on mother-in-laws face after my outburst. I'm sure the cousins were somewhat taken back. I have never spoken harshly to mother-in-law in front of them; I've rarely spoken harshly to mother-in-law regardless of who was in the room. I'm sure they had a lot to talk about on their drive home.
Pea soup not included
We spent Easter with mother-in-law and hubby's extended family (Aunt, Uncle and cousins) from Missouri. All was well until I had an attack of "psycho" mommy, Linda Blair style.
We were all sitting at the table ready for dessert. Cup cakes and ice cream were being passed out when mother-in-law produces yet another cake, "Who wants cake?" she asked. Darling daughter already had a cup cake and was waiting to be served ice cream said, "I want some cake." I tell her she had a cup cake and I would get her some ice cream very soon.
Like most children her age I have to tell her three times, "No - you already have a cup cake. Your ice cream is coming." After the third time, I hear darling mother-in-law say in a loud stage whisper and in a tone that suggested she thought I was being ridiculous, "Oh, she can have a piece of cake!" Suddenly my head spins 360 degrees and I say ratherly crossly (and loudly),
She may NOT have the equivelent of TWO pieces of cake. She may have SOME ice cream!
Unfortunately for mother-in-law she was caught in the cross fire because I was already frustrated with trying to explain to daughter that a cup cake was just as good as a piece of cake and that ice cream was on its way. On the other hand she heard me tell darling daughter (three times) she was not to have a piece of cake because she already had a cup cake. Thank heavens daughter did not overhear what she said. I have grown so very weary of, "But Grandma said I could!"
I did not look to see the expression on mother-in-laws face after my outburst. I'm sure the cousins were somewhat taken back. I have never spoken harshly to mother-in-law in front of them; I've rarely spoken harshly to mother-in-law regardless of who was in the room. I'm sure they had a lot to talk about on their drive home.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
High AnxietyDarling daughter (almost 4) is spending her first overnight with Grandma tonight (darling-mother-in-law) and I'm just a little tense about it. Some parents out there may be thinking "Almost four? Why did you wait so long to let her stay overnight?" Well, there are extenuating circumstances - several issues that have kept this milestone at bay. I'll let you choose from my list which reason you feel would be your biggest concern.
1. An irresistible force meets an immovable object - mother-in-law can be very demanding and is what I call a "challenging personality." She doesn't take 'no' for an answer very easily. My personality is fairly easy going but when I'm pushed too hard, I will dig in simply as a matter of principle. I have also become slightly resentful over the many manipulative tactics and head games mother-in-law has employed over the years making me less willing to bend.
2. Who's child is this? - mother-in-law began hinting about overnight visits with darling daughter while I is was still in my second trimester. At one point in my pregnancy (and with hormones raging) I was very depressed and asked hubby, "When will this be OUR baby?" This was after mother-in-law started demanding to be allowed to hold new baby within an hour after her birth (she didn't), and before she started dropping hints that "Grandmas should be given baby showers too!" She has backed off and mellowed out a little but there are still times when I feel like my place as "mommy" is being threatened.
3. Location location location - this is a little thing but it does come into play. Mother-in-law lives only 20 minutes away and we see her on a weekly basis so in my mind it's not like she isn't getting enough "Grandma time." Also - hubby and I are homebodies. We're not jet setters, taking weekend trips every month. It's rare if we're out past 10pm so there really hasn't been an opportunity - a reason - to have an overnight visit with Grandma. We always offer mother-in-law the guest room if she wants to stay overnight after babysitting. Yes - we could have a "just for the heck of it visit" but I work full time so I am very protective of my time with darling daughter. I don't want to have to give up "mommy time."
4. I've fallen and I can't get up - this truly is the biggest concern of all. Darling mother-in-law is not in the best of health (her 92 year old mother gets around better than she does). We've had several episodes (most recently at our house) where she's lost her balance, fallen and then had difficulty getting back up on her feet. Supposedly her stability problems were caused by a cholesterol medication she is no long taking. Mother-in-law also lives alone. I once told hubby darling daughter would not stay over night with Grandma until daughter could dial 911.
So there it is. I realize some of these are my own mental/emotional blocks because of the differences in our personalities. Overall I have a pretty good relationship with mother-in-law, mostly because of hubby. He has always sided with me when conflicts have come up and when his mother has required a talking to he has taken on that responsibility.
But like most relationships eventually one side or the other (preferably both) has to bend a little and hubby feels we can not put off this request any longer. To help the time go by more quickly, we went out to dinner and then in the morning we're going to the driving range before we pick up darling daughter.
Heavy sigh...
In other news...
Tornado hits Iowa City - http://www.press-citizen.com/apps/pbcs.dll/frontpage
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Grrrrrr, baby!You know, I haven't been to the Des Moines Blank Park Zoo in a while but after reading this article I think it's high time I go back.
Des Moines' lions among the sexiest
The funny thing is I couldn't sleep the other night because I keptIowa lions are so darn sexy. That's according to new research at the Field Museum in Chicago, where scientists have determined that lions who live in
colder weather grow thicker manes. And a long, thick mane is apparently a major turn-on for lionesses. Rarrrrrrrrrrrr.
thinking, I wonder what turns lions on? What makes them randy?
What makes them want to turn the lights down low and feel the love
tonight?
Oh great... now I have the song, "In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight...." stuck in my head. Maybe he's sleeping because he's...well...anyway.
Got me thinking about a story a friend told me. This friend works in a fertility clinic in another midwestern city. She told me about how the male gorilla at the zoo was in demand for his "wild oats."
The zoo would sell his "specimen" to other zoos so they could artificially inseminate their female gorillas. Well - I don't know about you but I was curious as to how you get a "specimen" of that kind from a 500 pound gorilla. I mean, you can't just walk up to the guy and...well...help yourself now can you?
My friend told me they would bribe the gorilla with candy and he would do the deed himself into the proper receptacle. His candy of choice was Skittles. In a bizarre Pavlovian way, the gorilla eventually become aroused at the mere site of a bag of Skittles. I've never looked at a bag of Skittles in the same way since (and I certainly don't eat them while visiting the gorilla exhibit at the zoo any more).
I wonder - do you think the Skittles people would be interested in using the gorilla in one of their TV ads?
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Safe travel
My good friend J.T. deployed for Iraq today. He feels called to do this work even though he is aware of the danger. He hopes to drop an e-mail now and then and may even keep up with his blog, Reflections within the Theme. If you have some time, write him a note and read some of his poetry. He is a "warrior poet."
Please pray for his safe return and for his wife and two children. Please also continue to pray for all our men and women in uniform.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
- Psalm 46:1
My good friend J.T. deployed for Iraq today. He feels called to do this work even though he is aware of the danger. He hopes to drop an e-mail now and then and may even keep up with his blog, Reflections within the Theme. If you have some time, write him a note and read some of his poetry. He is a "warrior poet."
Please pray for his safe return and for his wife and two children. Please also continue to pray for all our men and women in uniform.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
- Psalm 46:1
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Wascally wabbit finally caught
Check out the picture and then read this story.
Bigs bunny: monster rabbit devours English veggie plots
Think up a good caption for the picture and post it here. The best caption wins..............the knowledge they had the best caption.
Here's mine:
After years of sexual reassignment therapy, Elmer is finally no longer fooled by rabbit-wearing-a-dress disguise.
Check out the picture and then read this story.
Bigs bunny: monster rabbit devours English veggie plots
Think up a good caption for the picture and post it here. The best caption wins..............the knowledge they had the best caption.
Here's mine:
After years of sexual reassignment therapy, Elmer is finally no longer fooled by rabbit-wearing-a-dress disguise.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Meet me at Peggy's
I’m sitting in the recliner with a cold adult beverage (more about adult beverages later). Hubby and I just finished raking up some leaves - leaves we didn’t have time to rake up in the fall before it snowed. Tiring work and still a lot more spring clean up to do but it’s a start.
Saw a woodpecker in our tree in the back yard – more evidence that our tree is rotting from within and probably should be taken down. Anyone know anything about woodpeckers? It was medium size, black body, white speckles and some white on the side of his face. I probably just described every species of woodpecker on the planet. Anyway, if you know what kind it is, drop me a line. I’m not much of a birder but I’m curious to know what kind it was.
Give me a sec while I take a sip of my cold adult beverage…AHHHHH!!! Now on to our regularly scheduled post...
Just in time for Drake University’s Relays, the Des Moines Register has done a “Bar Bio” on Peggy’s Tavern; just “Peggy’s” to those of us who have tossed back a few cold ones at this popular Drake student hangout.
Peggy’s Tavern – Bar Bio
Peggy’s is truly a Drake University tradition and a trip back for Relays is never official until you drink your first beer in a Peggy’s plastic cup.
Yes – I’ve spent some time in Peggy’s as both a Drake student and as an alum. I was never a weekly regular; I never knew the bartenders by name or carved my initials in one of the tables but I do have some good memories of the old place.
I remember playing drinking games with some of my sorority sisters (take a drink every time Sting sings “Roxanne”); standing shoulder to shoulder with strangers in the tent party during Relays; kissing my friend J full on the mouth so he’d buy me a drink (gave the bartenders a good laugh).
As an alum, going to Peggy’s is like a trip back in time. You almost expect to see a younger version of yourself sitting in one of the booths laughing and drinking with your friends. Instead you see present day Drake students laughing and drinking with their friends.
Maybe we are all really there…young and old…past, present and future Drake students all sitting in Peggy’s drinking together, forever linked in some kind of space time continuum thing (a la Star Trek)….or maybe not.
Either way, next time you are at Peggy’s raise your glass and give a toast to all Drake students. I might just be there too – past, present or future.
WOODPECKER UPDATE: Did some research last night and I've narrowed it down to one of two possibilities - a Downey Woodpecker or a Hairy Woodpecker. (Honestly, who thinks up these names?) The two species look the same but the Hairy Woodpecker is larger. I realize I am running a huge risk of getting some interesting comments with all this talk of woodpeckers... (I don't mind as long as they are clever. Think more Kelsey Grammer, less Beavis and Butthead.) :-)
I’m sitting in the recliner with a cold adult beverage (more about adult beverages later). Hubby and I just finished raking up some leaves - leaves we didn’t have time to rake up in the fall before it snowed. Tiring work and still a lot more spring clean up to do but it’s a start.
Saw a woodpecker in our tree in the back yard – more evidence that our tree is rotting from within and probably should be taken down. Anyone know anything about woodpeckers? It was medium size, black body, white speckles and some white on the side of his face. I probably just described every species of woodpecker on the planet. Anyway, if you know what kind it is, drop me a line. I’m not much of a birder but I’m curious to know what kind it was.
Give me a sec while I take a sip of my cold adult beverage…AHHHHH!!! Now on to our regularly scheduled post...
Just in time for Drake University’s Relays, the Des Moines Register has done a “Bar Bio” on Peggy’s Tavern; just “Peggy’s” to those of us who have tossed back a few cold ones at this popular Drake student hangout.
Peggy’s Tavern – Bar Bio
Peggy’s is truly a Drake University tradition and a trip back for Relays is never official until you drink your first beer in a Peggy’s plastic cup.
Yes – I’ve spent some time in Peggy’s as both a Drake student and as an alum. I was never a weekly regular; I never knew the bartenders by name or carved my initials in one of the tables but I do have some good memories of the old place.
I remember playing drinking games with some of my sorority sisters (take a drink every time Sting sings “Roxanne”); standing shoulder to shoulder with strangers in the tent party during Relays; kissing my friend J full on the mouth so he’d buy me a drink (gave the bartenders a good laugh).
As an alum, going to Peggy’s is like a trip back in time. You almost expect to see a younger version of yourself sitting in one of the booths laughing and drinking with your friends. Instead you see present day Drake students laughing and drinking with their friends.
Maybe we are all really there…young and old…past, present and future Drake students all sitting in Peggy’s drinking together, forever linked in some kind of space time continuum thing (a la Star Trek)….or maybe not.
Either way, next time you are at Peggy’s raise your glass and give a toast to all Drake students. I might just be there too – past, present or future.
WOODPECKER UPDATE: Did some research last night and I've narrowed it down to one of two possibilities - a Downey Woodpecker or a Hairy Woodpecker. (Honestly, who thinks up these names?) The two species look the same but the Hairy Woodpecker is larger. I realize I am running a huge risk of getting some interesting comments with all this talk of woodpeckers... (I don't mind as long as they are clever. Think more Kelsey Grammer, less Beavis and Butthead.) :-)
Friday, April 07, 2006
Relay for Life at Drake UniversityHubby and I walked in the Relay for Life of Drake University tonight. We walked in memory of our friend who died this year on Feb. 27 - lung failure due to an unknown cancer.
And on the seventh day…
Between the two of us we raised $125. Not much but every little bit helps. My legs are going to be sore tomorrow but it did feel good to walk for LB’s memory.
The event was run completely by the students. Kudos to the committee for putting it together. Good student turn out too. Overall a very good evening, a very worthwhile event.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I choose the salmon mousse
In a classic Monty Python skit, a dinner party is interrupted by a visit from the reaper, The Grim Reaper. The guests are stunned when The Grim Reaper announces somewhat casually they are all dead. One woman asks, “How is it that we could have died all at the same time?” After a dramatic pause, The Grim Reaper points menacingly at…the salmon mousse! The hostess is embarrassed beyond words and is forced to confess she used canned salmon.
Death by salmon mousse is witty and sophisticated. The botulism does give a slight aftertaste, but it goes down smoothly and is delightfully paired with a buttery chardonnay.
Dr. Eric R. Pianka’s choice of death is the Ebola virus – a slow and tortuous death which ends with the liquefying of your internal organs. Death occurs when you “bleed out.”
Meeting doctor doom
Besides being a complete and total whack job, Dr. Pianka is also a radical environmentalist. He claims the only way to save the Earth and reverse the environmental damage is to reduce the human population by 90%. In his opinion, the airborne Ebola virus would be extremely effective and would do the job quite nicely.
Don’t get me wrong – I like trees and clean air and water just as much as the next guy but I still put the needs of humans before plants and animals. We already have environmental terrorist groups like the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) torching SUV dealerships and new home construction. Do we now need to worry one of these groups might act on his suggestion?
I think I would still prefer the salmon mousse…
In a classic Monty Python skit, a dinner party is interrupted by a visit from the reaper, The Grim Reaper. The guests are stunned when The Grim Reaper announces somewhat casually they are all dead. One woman asks, “How is it that we could have died all at the same time?” After a dramatic pause, The Grim Reaper points menacingly at…the salmon mousse! The hostess is embarrassed beyond words and is forced to confess she used canned salmon.
Death by salmon mousse is witty and sophisticated. The botulism does give a slight aftertaste, but it goes down smoothly and is delightfully paired with a buttery chardonnay.
Dr. Eric R. Pianka’s choice of death is the Ebola virus – a slow and tortuous death which ends with the liquefying of your internal organs. Death occurs when you “bleed out.”
Meeting doctor doom
Besides being a complete and total whack job, Dr. Pianka is also a radical environmentalist. He claims the only way to save the Earth and reverse the environmental damage is to reduce the human population by 90%. In his opinion, the airborne Ebola virus would be extremely effective and would do the job quite nicely.
Don’t get me wrong – I like trees and clean air and water just as much as the next guy but I still put the needs of humans before plants and animals. We already have environmental terrorist groups like the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) torching SUV dealerships and new home construction. Do we now need to worry one of these groups might act on his suggestion?
I think I would still prefer the salmon mousse…
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Tornado soup
Central Iowa is getting pounded with thunderstorms. The sirens have been going off all evening but the tornados/funnel clouds are all to the east of us so far. Water is pouring into our floor drain in the basement but so far the pump is keeping up. The rug in the basement is damp along one wall.
This happens every time we have a gully washer. We’ve lived here for six years and it’s never amounted into anything other than a damp rug but hubby was not happy. Sometimes hubby can be a bit highstrung (and I say that in the most loving and caring way I know how). You know in the cartoons when the cartoon character realizes he’s holding a lit stick of dynamite and he does a “wild take” (turns into a giant eye, shrieks and breaks into a million pieces, melts into a puddle…etc…) That’s hubby – but I still love him dearly. I’m more of a “Droopy Dog.” Someone hands me a lit stick of dynamite and I turn around and hand it off to someone else, “Excuse me – you dropped this.”
I made the mistake a telling little girl we might have a “tornado party,” meaning we might go to the basement and watch the weather bulletins on the TV or listen to the radio. She likes tornado parties – almost a little too much. I’ve tried to make storm warnings low key because I don’t want her terrified every time it starts to thunder. I’m thinking I did my job too well. She threw a fit when we told her the weather man said no tornados. So for about 30 minutes we had a very unhappy little girl yelling, “I want a tornado party!”
Dinner on Sunday is usual fairly simple and with the storm warnings we decided to keep it to grilled cheese sandwiches and vegetable and/or tomato soup. Darling daughter loves tomato soup but kept calling “tornado soup.”
Ornery Report
Words/phases that if I never heard again, I would be very happy:
“NO!”
“I don’t want to!”
“Grandma lets me!”
“SEE! I TOLD you!”
Picture from Campbell Soup home page: http://www.campbellsoup.com/default.aspx
Central Iowa is getting pounded with thunderstorms. The sirens have been going off all evening but the tornados/funnel clouds are all to the east of us so far. Water is pouring into our floor drain in the basement but so far the pump is keeping up. The rug in the basement is damp along one wall.
This happens every time we have a gully washer. We’ve lived here for six years and it’s never amounted into anything other than a damp rug but hubby was not happy. Sometimes hubby can be a bit highstrung (and I say that in the most loving and caring way I know how). You know in the cartoons when the cartoon character realizes he’s holding a lit stick of dynamite and he does a “wild take” (turns into a giant eye, shrieks and breaks into a million pieces, melts into a puddle…etc…) That’s hubby – but I still love him dearly. I’m more of a “Droopy Dog.” Someone hands me a lit stick of dynamite and I turn around and hand it off to someone else, “Excuse me – you dropped this.”
I made the mistake a telling little girl we might have a “tornado party,” meaning we might go to the basement and watch the weather bulletins on the TV or listen to the radio. She likes tornado parties – almost a little too much. I’ve tried to make storm warnings low key because I don’t want her terrified every time it starts to thunder. I’m thinking I did my job too well. She threw a fit when we told her the weather man said no tornados. So for about 30 minutes we had a very unhappy little girl yelling, “I want a tornado party!”
Dinner on Sunday is usual fairly simple and with the storm warnings we decided to keep it to grilled cheese sandwiches and vegetable and/or tomato soup. Darling daughter loves tomato soup but kept calling “tornado soup.”
Ornery Report
Words/phases that if I never heard again, I would be very happy:
“NO!”
“I don’t want to!”
“Grandma lets me!”
“SEE! I TOLD you!”
Picture from Campbell Soup home page: http://www.campbellsoup.com/default.aspx
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