Card carrying member
After months of tagging along to clown meetings, I was officially inducted into the Korn Patch Klowns group last night as a full member. I was expecting blindfolds and spankings with rubber chickens...but alas...it was a simple ceremony.
They made me wear a red clown nose while I answered a few questions about what originally drew me to clowning and my clown name. We wrapped it up by reading the Clown's Prayer.
Prayer of a Clown
Help me to create more laughter than tears,
Dispense more happiness than gloom,
Spread more cheer than despair.
Never let me grow so big that I will fail to
See the wonder in the eyes of a child or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.
Never let me forget than I am a Clown…
That my work is to cheer people up, make them happy, and make them laugh, make them forget momentarily all the unpleasant things in their lives.
Never let me jeopardize the integrity of clowndom by improper conduct.
Help me to always make others proud of my actions as a clown.
Never let me acquire financial success to the point where I will discontinue calling upon my Creator in the hour of plenty.
In other news…
Pregnancy complaint of the week - My bellybutton hurts!!! :-O
If the shoe farts....
Currently, my most comfortable pair of shoes are my white (okay - mostly white) tennis shoes. Unfortunately, every time I step with my right foot my shoe makes a 'phoosh' sound, which is remarkably similar to a bodily function. (...sigh...)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried
I'm back in the saddle again - posting that is - and fresh from a long weekend visiting my sister in Minnesota. The trip was a lot of fun! We all had a great time! I was expecting this to be a run-of-the-mill-back-from-vacation-guess-what-we-did-over-the-weekend kind of post. And it would have been too if it wasn't for our crazy trip home.
Break down
We were almost home - just north of Ames, Iowa when Hubby's truck broke down. With gauges red lining, we limped to the Ames exit driving about 40 miles an hour on the shoulder for three miles. The truck was making a horrible noise, which only grew louder the farther we drove. We turned into the first parking lot we could find, a credit union right next to a gas station. As soon as Hubby touched the brake, the truck died - not good.
Hubby popped the hood and looked at the engine; not because he knows anything about automotive repair but because that's what you do when you break down. He walked over to the gas station to borrow a phone book while Darling Daughter and I stayed in the truck. I amused myself by people watching. Not a lot to see - the credit union was behind us and there just wasn't a lot of action on an early Monday afternoon....or so we thought.
A little thing called fate...or is it karma?...more like Divine Comedy
Strange things happen to my family. If you've ever doubted that God has a sense of humor, come over to my house and let me tell you some stories. My brother once cheated death when his furnace blew up with him standing next to it - walked away without a scratch. Later that day, he won a cruise to the Bahamas through a radio trivia contest. I warned Hubby when we got married he would be sucked into the DMG family curse. So when we found out the credit union where we were parked was robbed while we were sitting there my immediate response was to laugh out loud.
No one hurt in armed robbery at credit union
I missed the whole thing because the truck was facing the wrong way. We didn't even have a clue anything was going on - nobody told us - but we caught on pretty quick when a police officer pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car carrying his shotgun. I thought maybe he didn't like our Hawkeye license plates - Ames is home to the Iowa State Cyclones and they are bitter rivals with the University of Iowa Hawkeyes, Hubby's alma mater.
The policeman came over and talked to us. We found out the robbery occured when Hubby was in the gas station. I told them about a few people I saw in the parking lot - nothing exciting from my point of view but they made me talk to two different detectives. I did the best I could. People watching is a passive activity - you never think you'll actually have to remember what they looked like. They were done questioning me about the same time the tow truck showed up.
Would have, could have, should have....
It was all very exciting. I don't know how helpful I was. I didn't see any of the actual robbery itself. Hubby - being the morbid one in the family - was kicking himself later, "I never should have left you alone in the truck!" He dwells on what could have happened - if I had seen something and if the robber had seen me seeing something and then something really bad could have happened...yadda yadda yadda.... I guess I don't worry too much about that kind of stuff. I didn't see anything let alone something therefore nothing happened. It's the story of my life - when something really cool happens, I'm always looking the other way.
The best news out of all of this is the truck is fixed and it didn't cost us an arm and a leg. We were sweating bullets thinking it was something really serious. Turns out it was just a broken hose clamp and a busted thermostat caused when we turned on the air conditioner; broken hose blew coolant all over the thermostat and fried it. First car repair we've had in a long time that came in under $200.
Somewhat anti-climatic but like I told Hubby, "Hey! It's blog-able!"
I'm back in the saddle again - posting that is - and fresh from a long weekend visiting my sister in Minnesota. The trip was a lot of fun! We all had a great time! I was expecting this to be a run-of-the-mill-back-from-vacation-guess-what-we-did-over-the-weekend kind of post. And it would have been too if it wasn't for our crazy trip home.
Break down
We were almost home - just north of Ames, Iowa when Hubby's truck broke down. With gauges red lining, we limped to the Ames exit driving about 40 miles an hour on the shoulder for three miles. The truck was making a horrible noise, which only grew louder the farther we drove. We turned into the first parking lot we could find, a credit union right next to a gas station. As soon as Hubby touched the brake, the truck died - not good.
Hubby popped the hood and looked at the engine; not because he knows anything about automotive repair but because that's what you do when you break down. He walked over to the gas station to borrow a phone book while Darling Daughter and I stayed in the truck. I amused myself by people watching. Not a lot to see - the credit union was behind us and there just wasn't a lot of action on an early Monday afternoon....or so we thought.
A little thing called fate...or is it karma?...more like Divine Comedy
Strange things happen to my family. If you've ever doubted that God has a sense of humor, come over to my house and let me tell you some stories. My brother once cheated death when his furnace blew up with him standing next to it - walked away without a scratch. Later that day, he won a cruise to the Bahamas through a radio trivia contest. I warned Hubby when we got married he would be sucked into the DMG family curse. So when we found out the credit union where we were parked was robbed while we were sitting there my immediate response was to laugh out loud.
No one hurt in armed robbery at credit union
I missed the whole thing because the truck was facing the wrong way. We didn't even have a clue anything was going on - nobody told us - but we caught on pretty quick when a police officer pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car carrying his shotgun. I thought maybe he didn't like our Hawkeye license plates - Ames is home to the Iowa State Cyclones and they are bitter rivals with the University of Iowa Hawkeyes, Hubby's alma mater.
The policeman came over and talked to us. We found out the robbery occured when Hubby was in the gas station. I told them about a few people I saw in the parking lot - nothing exciting from my point of view but they made me talk to two different detectives. I did the best I could. People watching is a passive activity - you never think you'll actually have to remember what they looked like. They were done questioning me about the same time the tow truck showed up.
Would have, could have, should have....
It was all very exciting. I don't know how helpful I was. I didn't see any of the actual robbery itself. Hubby - being the morbid one in the family - was kicking himself later, "I never should have left you alone in the truck!" He dwells on what could have happened - if I had seen something and if the robber had seen me seeing something and then something really bad could have happened...yadda yadda yadda.... I guess I don't worry too much about that kind of stuff. I didn't see anything let alone something therefore nothing happened. It's the story of my life - when something really cool happens, I'm always looking the other way.
The best news out of all of this is the truck is fixed and it didn't cost us an arm and a leg. We were sweating bullets thinking it was something really serious. Turns out it was just a broken hose clamp and a busted thermostat caused when we turned on the air conditioner; broken hose blew coolant all over the thermostat and fried it. First car repair we've had in a long time that came in under $200.
Somewhat anti-climatic but like I told Hubby, "Hey! It's blog-able!"
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The long good-byeGrandpop died Saturday morning. It wasn’t unexpected – after all, he was 93 but the phone call still came as a bit of a surprise. I tried to act like nothing was wrong but Darling Daughter caught me crying.
DAUGHTER: Why are you crying?
DMG: Mommy is just sad today.
DAUGHTER: But why?
It’s not that I didn’t want to tell her – I just would have preferred to be able to pull myself together first. She was insistent.
DMG: Your great grandpop, Pop Pop’s daddy, died today and it makes mommy sad. But mommy is also happy because he is now with Jesus in heaven and with Grandma. He missed Grandma a lot.
She gave me lots of hugs and kisses and then like a true Lutheran said,
DAUGHTER: Do you want something to eat?
That made me smile. Food and grief go hand-in-hand.
More about Grandpop…
Grandma died in 2001 from Alzheimer’s. The last few years of her life, Grandpop sat with her every waking moment, holding her hand. Long hours were spent together in silence. She was unable to communicate with him except through grunts and gestures but he continued to visit her every day, all day, for as long as the nursing staff allowed. It was the single, most powerful act of love and devotion I’ve ever personally witnessed. He sacrificed his own mental acuity by spending so much time with her.
When she died, he was heartbroken….lost. They had been married 63 years but had been together for much longer than that. They met in the first grade and grew up together.
The week before the funeral he kept forgetting she was gone and had to be reminded. For some reason, I was usually sitting next to him so it was up to me to tell him.
DMG: Grandma went home to be with the Lord, remember? She isn’t in any more pain. We’re going to say good-bye to her on Saturday.
He would cry all over again and I would hold his hand and stroke his wispy hair. This went on for several days – several times a day.
The morning of the funeral I was sitting across from him at breakfast. Suddenly teary-eyed he looked up from his breakfast and asked, “Is today Saturday?” Fighting back my own tears I told him, ‘yes.’ More handholding, more comforting.
The last six years he’s lived in his own little world, pretending Grandma was still alive, talking about her in the present tense. Early on, we tried to correct him but gave up after he became angry with us. As long as he didn’t try to go to her old room in the nursing home, we figured what harm was it.
The long good-bye is over. He is home with his Lord and Savior and I can only imagine the joyous reunion he had with Grandma.
No more tears.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Mother's Day duelThe phone rang Monday night - it was dear Mother-in-Law. Hubby picked up. She was calling about plans for Mother's Day, something Hubby and I had discussed in passing but nothing definite had been decided. Not that we were being forgetful or neglectful - just very busy.
When it comes to Mother's Day, I'm not really very picky. A special outing need not take place on the actual day and I'm not really one to push for things - suggestions, yes - demands, not so much. I'm happy as long as my thoughts and opinions are considered. Mother-in-law, however, takes a much more direct approach and a lot of times we end of doing what she wants to do over what I would like to do. I guess she feels she still outranks me because she is both mom and grandma.
But I digress...let me get back to the phone call:
MIL: So I wanted to know, did you want to come over here for lunch with me and grandma for Mother's Day or should I pick up something and bring it over to your house?
SIDE NOTE: This is a classic sales technique - never give the customer the option to say 'no.' She offers two choices (two things she would like to do) and does not ask, "What would DMG like to do for Mother's Day?" It's like the salesman who asks, "How many units can I put you down for?" not "Would you like to buy my product?"
HUBBY: (all the while looking at me for my reaction and smiling mischievously) Well, I thought this year we should let DMG pick. She hasn't had a chance to choose the last couple years and I think she deserves a turn.
GASP! This is why I love that man!
MIL: (a bit surprised) Oh! Well, sure! What does DMG want to do?
HUBBY: (to me) What do you want to do for Mother's Day?
I pantomime cardiac arrest. Hubby chuckles.
DMG: Can I think about it?
HUBBY: Sure!
Pinch me - I'm dreaming
So...BUWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I'm feeling very much like the cat that swallowed the canary! Finally, an opportunity to pick what I would like to do! I know what you're thinking - what's the big deal? You think I'm overreacting. Well, let me tell you about the last time I was able to "choose" where we went for Mother's Day.
Long story short - MIL didn't like the restaurant I chose but she agreed we would all go for lunch. Then, less than a week before Mother's Day, she suddenly announces that Hubby's Aunt and Uncle were coming to visit and she was having lunch at her place. Therefore, we needed to go to her house for lunch instead. Hubby told her politely that maybe we would stop by later but we had plans to go to the restaurant. This did not sit well with MIL.
A couple days later she calls back and tells us, not only were the Aunt and Uncle coming for lunch, now all the cousins were coming too.
MIL: So now you HAVE to come to my house for lunch!!!!
We didn't go the restaurant - we went to her house for lunch instead only to discover half the guests she told us would be there (guests that made our presence absolutely necessary) did not come. Call it a conspiracy theory if you want but Hubby and I both think she quickly engineered the whole lunch thing only after she decided she did not want to go to the restaurant and lunch was her way out.
A few weeks later she went to the restaurant with her church group and made sure to tell us, "It wasn't very good." This was her way of saying her decision to do lunch at her place was the correct decision and she saved us from going to a substandard restaurant. We have yet to go to that restaurant - our own fault for sure but we don't get out a whole lot.
But now it's MY turn again and I've already told Hubby I want to go to that same restaurant we had tried to go to for Mother's Day before. He gave me a sly grin and sniggered. He thinks it's perfect! I can't wait to hear what MIL thinks!!!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Self medicating with Rocky Road
Here I sit, self medicating my pregnancy heartburn with the aforementioned Rocky Road ice cream. There was a time early in this pregnancy when I was bound and determined to not gain as much weight as the first time around. Well – another turn of the screw – and as Rhett so famously said to Scarlet , “I don’t give a damn.”
…28 weeks and counting…
All aboard the Bi-Polar Express
This is going to be a very a rather disjointed post but before I delve into the week's events I want to first thank all of you for your encouragement and support from my last post. It’s been a long and moody week for me but I think I am feeling better.
Life is hard. Being pregnant is harder. But instead of crawling into a hole I need to remember to lift up my head and trust that God is guiding me through it. I’ve said before, God works out of a different Day Planner than I do and His organizational skills and timing are a wee bit better than mine.
Send in the clowns
It seems no matter how tired or moody or disgusted I am with the world, clowning always seem to cheer me up. Instructor Dude and I clowned at my church fundraiser this week. The fundraiser was for the same bunch of preschool kids we clowned for the week before and they all recognized us!
They came running up to us all smiles. The parents were happy to see us too – I kept hearing, “You must be the clowns! We’ve heard so much about you!” That was my warm fuzzy for the week. It’s nice to know we were able to make a difference.
On Saturday, a bunch of clowns from our local alley did our thing at the March of Dimes charity walk in Des Moines. Again – it was a great time! I was wiped out by the time I got home but the cute kids and the smiles made it all worth it.
The conversational redirect
A learned survival skill…I think I've mentioned it before.
DMG: (sudden and dramatic) My water!!!!….(pause)….glass is empty!
That’s what I told Hubby I would do during lunch today with mother-in-law if I suddenly found myself witnessing a third party conversation. You know what I mean – when two people have a conversation but the topic is really meant for your benefit.
My MIL is a master of this. Whenever she wants something from me, she has a “conversation” with someone else in the room loud enough for me to hear in order to drop me a hint.
Here’s an example of an opening line from a conversation that took place at my baby shower when I was pregnant with Darling Daughter.
MIL: (to another party guest) I think grandmas should have baby showers too, don’t you?
She’s done this with other relatives as well as complete strangers. Be forewarned – if you ever visit me while she is present you might find yourself unknowingly participating in her passive-aggressive kabuki theater. She hopes I will engage in the conversation and give her what she wants but…I never do. I ignore it because after all I’m not the one she’s having the conversation with.
I’m happy to say I didn’t have to use my “water glass” line at lunch today so I will hold onto it just in case I need it again before baby comes.
Final thoughts
Kerner mentioned in his last comment the bomb scare that occurred at the Des Moines Area Community College (DMACC). It turns out the mysterious package was just a big box of condoms that was mailed to the human sexuality class. Here’s how I think the headline should have read.
DMACC building prematurely evacuated due to box of condoms
*snicker!* :-) The Des Moines Register staff showed the proper restraint and a bit more maturity.
Condoms trigger DMACC scare
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200770426041
Condoms that spurred scare were meant for class
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200770427034
Here I sit, self medicating my pregnancy heartburn with the aforementioned Rocky Road ice cream. There was a time early in this pregnancy when I was bound and determined to not gain as much weight as the first time around. Well – another turn of the screw – and as Rhett so famously said to Scarlet , “I don’t give a damn.”
…28 weeks and counting…
All aboard the Bi-Polar Express
This is going to be a very a rather disjointed post but before I delve into the week's events I want to first thank all of you for your encouragement and support from my last post. It’s been a long and moody week for me but I think I am feeling better.
Life is hard. Being pregnant is harder. But instead of crawling into a hole I need to remember to lift up my head and trust that God is guiding me through it. I’ve said before, God works out of a different Day Planner than I do and His organizational skills and timing are a wee bit better than mine.
Send in the clowns
It seems no matter how tired or moody or disgusted I am with the world, clowning always seem to cheer me up. Instructor Dude and I clowned at my church fundraiser this week. The fundraiser was for the same bunch of preschool kids we clowned for the week before and they all recognized us!
They came running up to us all smiles. The parents were happy to see us too – I kept hearing, “You must be the clowns! We’ve heard so much about you!” That was my warm fuzzy for the week. It’s nice to know we were able to make a difference.
On Saturday, a bunch of clowns from our local alley did our thing at the March of Dimes charity walk in Des Moines. Again – it was a great time! I was wiped out by the time I got home but the cute kids and the smiles made it all worth it.
The conversational redirect
A learned survival skill…I think I've mentioned it before.
DMG: (sudden and dramatic) My water!!!!….(pause)….glass is empty!
That’s what I told Hubby I would do during lunch today with mother-in-law if I suddenly found myself witnessing a third party conversation. You know what I mean – when two people have a conversation but the topic is really meant for your benefit.
My MIL is a master of this. Whenever she wants something from me, she has a “conversation” with someone else in the room loud enough for me to hear in order to drop me a hint.
Here’s an example of an opening line from a conversation that took place at my baby shower when I was pregnant with Darling Daughter.
MIL: (to another party guest) I think grandmas should have baby showers too, don’t you?
She’s done this with other relatives as well as complete strangers. Be forewarned – if you ever visit me while she is present you might find yourself unknowingly participating in her passive-aggressive kabuki theater. She hopes I will engage in the conversation and give her what she wants but…I never do. I ignore it because after all I’m not the one she’s having the conversation with.
I’m happy to say I didn’t have to use my “water glass” line at lunch today so I will hold onto it just in case I need it again before baby comes.
Final thoughts
Kerner mentioned in his last comment the bomb scare that occurred at the Des Moines Area Community College (DMACC). It turns out the mysterious package was just a big box of condoms that was mailed to the human sexuality class. Here’s how I think the headline should have read.
DMACC building prematurely evacuated due to box of condoms
*snicker!* :-) The Des Moines Register staff showed the proper restraint and a bit more maturity.
Condoms trigger DMACC scare
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200770426041
Condoms that spurred scare were meant for class
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200770427034
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