Holiday schmoliday and angst over the "C" word

It may seem like I'm jumping the gun with this topic but the "holiday" season is closer than you think. Knowing how busy I'll be later, I wanted to get a head start on my "holiday taunting" so here it is, fresh out of the box.

Christmas is truly a magical time although in the past few years it's developed some surreal qualities I could do without. The hand wringing and nervous glances are getting a little old.

"Ack! Red and green ribbons!"
"Ack! Poinsettias!"
"Ack! (stage whisper) Don't call it a Christmas tree! It's a Holiday tree!"
"Ack! Snowmen! That's too Christmassy!"

The way some people worry and fret you'd think if you dared utter the phrase "Merry Christmas" you might get punched in the mouth - or worse, sued. Lighten up folks! Wishing someone a Merry Christmas is not the verbal equivalent to farting in public - everyone looking away embarrassed and not making eye contact with the one who did the deed. It's meant as a positive thing - kind of like "Have a nice day!"

You: But what if I don't want to have a nice day?!?! You're being insensitive to my need to be a grouch!

Me: I see your point. In that case, shove it!

I am a Christmas Maverick. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Who am I hurting? I would be thrilled and grateful if anyone took the time to wish me a Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanza or Happy Ramadan. Okay - so maybe Happy Ramadan might be a little weird. My philosophy is to accept all holiday greetings in the spirit in which they were intended.

Some have told me I'm not being sensitive to people who do not celebrate Christmas. Well, I celebrate Christmas and if I offer a well-intentioned Christmas greeting and the person rebuffs me isn't that being insensitive to my beliefs? Why when it comes to religious tolerance Christians are always the ones who are told they have to hide what they believe? And don't tell me it's because Christians are the most intolerant. If that is true then this country, which was founded on Judeo-Christian values (like it or not - to this day an overwhelming majority of U.S. citizens profess to be Christian), would not have the religious freedom we enjoy today. The United States is probably one of the most religiously tolerant countries in the world. I'll say it again; why not just accept the greeting as it was intended?

I realize some of you might not be as brave (or as stupid) as I am so as an added service I have written a "Holiday Disclaimer." Use it in good health.

Have an all inclusive, non-offensive, tolerant winter experience not associated with any one religion (personal belief system, convictions, or creed) or ethnic background (race or geographical) or socioeconomic group; under no circumstances should you feel forced or obligated to exhibit feelings contrary to your current condition if you are overwhelmed by the unhappiness of others or are experiencing anxiety due to current world events or personal instability and wish to remain in an unaltered emotional state as it is more in keeping with your natural existence or if you are making a political or social statement; please forgive me if you find this unsolicited proclamation oppressive or insensitive in any way as it was not intended as such.

May this time of year also be free of the blatant exploitation of arctic wildlife (endangered or otherwise) and may we see the liberation of enslaved animals forced to live with or near their human oppressors. May you avoid commercialism and the over consumption of material goods and foodstuffs in the next calendar year.

Of course, by the time you get through saying this it will be Valentine's Day but at least you will have made your point.