I dare you to wear that in Des Moines

What goes through the mind of Tess Smith when she decides what to wear to the Emmy Awards? Does she have a mirror in her house? If she wore her “dresses” in Des Moines, she would be arrested for public intox – the thought being one would have to be drunk or high to appear in public in that state of undress.

But maybe it’s not fashion intervention she needs. Is it possible she can’t afford to buy a whole dress and is forced to wear only bits and pieces of dresses? I see her now, the Cinderella of Tinsel Town searching for cast offs from other starlets – a bit of ribbon, a handful of lace. She works her fingers to the bone, sewing by the light of a single candle to create a dress to wear to the ball. But alas! Without the help of a fairy godmother and benevolent animal friends, her dreams of a beautiful gown are dashed! What a brave face she wears as she smiles and waves to the cameras all the while crying on the inside because she has nothing suitable to wear…


This is last year's dress. Would you believe she wore less this year???

Seriously - any fool can look at her and know she is obviously choosing her wardrobe for publicity, which it has certainly given her. I shudder to think what she will wear next year. She’s two inches of fabric short of public nudity now so what’s left but the Full Monty.

Des Moines is not the fashion capital of the world – take a trip to the Iowa State Fair and you’ll see what I mean. But this is the exception. For the most part, people in Des Moines are sensibly stylish. Believe me – function trumps fashion when the wind chill drops to -40. We call that ass-chappin’ cold.

So Tess, you can have your dresses and more power to you if you get more publicity for wearing them. But if you really want to make a stir, if you really want the boffo headlines, I dare you to wear your dress standing on the corner of 9th and High in downtown Des Moines on a blustery January day. But you might want to stock up on your chapstick first.