Mother's Day duelThe phone rang Monday night - it was dear Mother-in-Law. Hubby picked up. She was calling about plans for Mother's Day, something Hubby and I had discussed in passing but nothing definite had been decided. Not that we were being forgetful or neglectful - just very busy.
When it comes to Mother's Day, I'm not really very picky. A special outing need not take place on the actual day and I'm not really one to push for things - suggestions, yes - demands, not so much. I'm happy as long as my thoughts and opinions are considered. Mother-in-law, however, takes a much more direct approach and a lot of times we end of doing what she wants to do over what I would like to do. I guess she feels she still outranks me because she is both mom and grandma.
But I digress...let me get back to the phone call:
MIL: So I wanted to know, did you want to come over here for lunch with me and grandma for Mother's Day or should I pick up something and bring it over to your house?
SIDE NOTE: This is a classic sales technique - never give the customer the option to say 'no.' She offers two choices (two things she would like to do) and does not ask, "What would DMG like to do for Mother's Day?" It's like the salesman who asks, "How many units can I put you down for?" not "Would you like to buy my product?"
HUBBY: (all the while looking at me for my reaction and smiling mischievously) Well, I thought this year we should let DMG pick. She hasn't had a chance to choose the last couple years and I think she deserves a turn.
GASP! This is why I love that man!
MIL: (a bit surprised) Oh! Well, sure! What does DMG want to do?
HUBBY: (to me) What do you want to do for Mother's Day?
I pantomime cardiac arrest. Hubby chuckles.
DMG: Can I think about it?
HUBBY: Sure!
Pinch me - I'm dreaming
So...BUWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I'm feeling very much like the cat that swallowed the canary! Finally, an opportunity to pick what I would like to do! I know what you're thinking - what's the big deal? You think I'm overreacting. Well, let me tell you about the last time I was able to "choose" where we went for Mother's Day.
Long story short - MIL didn't like the restaurant I chose but she agreed we would all go for lunch. Then, less than a week before Mother's Day, she suddenly announces that Hubby's Aunt and Uncle were coming to visit and she was having lunch at her place. Therefore, we needed to go to her house for lunch instead. Hubby told her politely that maybe we would stop by later but we had plans to go to the restaurant. This did not sit well with MIL.
A couple days later she calls back and tells us, not only were the Aunt and Uncle coming for lunch, now all the cousins were coming too.
MIL: So now you HAVE to come to my house for lunch!!!!
We didn't go the restaurant - we went to her house for lunch instead only to discover half the guests she told us would be there (guests that made our presence absolutely necessary) did not come. Call it a conspiracy theory if you want but Hubby and I both think she quickly engineered the whole lunch thing only after she decided she did not want to go to the restaurant and lunch was her way out.
A few weeks later she went to the restaurant with her church group and made sure to tell us, "It wasn't very good." This was her way of saying her decision to do lunch at her place was the correct decision and she saved us from going to a substandard restaurant. We have yet to go to that restaurant - our own fault for sure but we don't get out a whole lot.
But now it's MY turn again and I've already told Hubby I want to go to that same restaurant we had tried to go to for Mother's Day before. He gave me a sly grin and sniggered. He thinks it's perfect! I can't wait to hear what MIL thinks!!!
3 comments:
You and your hubby are much more patient than I am. I don't look kindly upon sympathy pleas, and I'll call out my family on them when they are attempted.
My grandmother-in-law was quite a bit like that.
I'm currently not speaking to anyone in my family because of such tricks and mind games. Life's too short for stuff like that.
Hey Rick! Thankfully for me Hubby is very much aware of his mother's "antics" and he isn't afraid to put her in her place when necessary. However, he does get weary of having to sit on her all the time so...as the saying goes...we pick and choose our battles.
She's never going to truly change her ways so we do our best to "manage" her behavior as much as possible. Problem is she just doesn't listen and doesn't get it and when you push too hard to get through to her she turns on the water works...never fun.
I can honestly say our marriage would not have lasted for as long as it has or been as happy if Hubby let his mom get away with everything she would like to get away with.
Hi Barb! I'm with you! I get so sick of the manipulation games. I didn't grow up in a family that interacted that way (for the most part) so even after 8 years of marriage it's still a struggle adjusting to the in-law family dynamic.
I let Hubby handle his mother and that seems to work the best. We have had many "cold wars" over the dumbest things. Sometimes I wish I could just sit down with MIL and just lay it all on the table but Hubby warns me all the time that his mom is not a rational person and not to expect anything to change from a conversation like that and in some ways could make things worse.
There have been a few times when she has gone to her friends and told them how horrible we've been to her (embellishing the truth) and then they get involved on her behalf. The crazy runs deep and wide with this woman!!!!
On the bright side - it makes for excellent blogging material! ;-)
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