Minnesota Vampire to run for governor

I know what you’re thinking…I couldn’t believe it either! I had no idea there were vampires in Minnesota! I guess I thought it was too cold there or something.

Seriously – it seems Iowa’s neighbor to the north, the state that once elected former pro-wrestler Governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura, will have the choice of electing a vampire to the state’s highest office.

Johnathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, leader of the “Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party” and self described satanic priest, was supposed to launch his gubernatorial campaign on Friday the 13th. He has a 13 point platform (I sense a theme here), which includes the public impaling of terrorists, rapists and drug dealers at the state Capital building.

Hmmmm…I think I could get behind that one…

"I'm going to be totally open and honest," said Sharkey. "Unlike other candidates, I'm not going to hide my evil side.”

Sharkey said he worships Lucifer and, while he says he has nothing against Christians, he calls the "Christian God the Father" his "mortal enemy."

Well, that’s comforting…I feel so much better…NOT!

One more thing – it’s been reported he drinks blood. His wife is his “donor.”

Top five ways you can tell you just elected a vampire as governor
I haven’t watched Letterman in months so if he’s already done this, I apologize.

1. All gubernatorial press conferences are moved to 12 midnight.
2. Mysterious drop in state blood bank supplies.
3. All interstate welcome signs changed to, “Velcome!”
4. Table seating for official state dinners are arranged by blood type.
5. Unlike most politicians, he freely admits to being an evil blood-sucker. (Special thanks to Nancy Dancehall for this one!)

If you can think of any more, feel free to add to my post!