High Anxiety

Darling daughter (almost 4) is spending her first overnight with Grandma tonight (darling-mother-in-law) and I'm just a little tense about it. Some parents out there may be thinking "Almost four? Why did you wait so long to let her stay overnight?" Well, there are extenuating circumstances - several issues that have kept this milestone at bay. I'll let you choose from my list which reason you feel would be your biggest concern.

1. An irresistible force meets an immovable object - mother-in-law can be very demanding and is what I call a "challenging personality." She doesn't take 'no' for an answer very easily. My personality is fairly easy going but when I'm pushed too hard, I will dig in simply as a matter of principle. I have also become slightly resentful over the many manipulative tactics and head games mother-in-law has employed over the years making me less willing to bend.

2. Who's child is this? - mother-in-law began hinting about overnight visits with darling daughter while I is was still in my second trimester. At one point in my pregnancy (and with hormones raging) I was very depressed and asked hubby, "When will this be OUR baby?" This was after mother-in-law started demanding to be allowed to hold new baby within an hour after her birth (she didn't), and before she started dropping hints that "Grandmas should be given baby showers too!" She has backed off and mellowed out a little but there are still times when I feel like my place as "mommy" is being threatened.

3. Location location location - this is a little thing but it does come into play. Mother-in-law lives only 20 minutes away and we see her on a weekly basis so in my mind it's not like she isn't getting enough "Grandma time." Also - hubby and I are homebodies. We're not jet setters, taking weekend trips every month. It's rare if we're out past 10pm so there really hasn't been an opportunity - a reason - to have an overnight visit with Grandma. We always offer mother-in-law the guest room if she wants to stay overnight after babysitting. Yes - we could have a "just for the heck of it visit" but I work full time so I am very protective of my time with darling daughter. I don't want to have to give up "mommy time."

4. I've fallen and I can't get up - this truly is the biggest concern of all. Darling mother-in-law is not in the best of health (her 92 year old mother gets around better than she does). We've had several episodes (most recently at our house) where she's lost her balance, fallen and then had difficulty getting back up on her feet. Supposedly her stability problems were caused by a cholesterol medication she is no long taking. Mother-in-law also lives alone. I once told hubby darling daughter would not stay over night with Grandma until daughter could dial 911.

So there it is. I realize some of these are my own mental/emotional blocks because of the differences in our personalities. Overall I have a pretty good relationship with mother-in-law, mostly because of hubby. He has always sided with me when conflicts have come up and when his mother has required a talking to he has taken on that responsibility.

But like most relationships eventually one side or the other (preferably both) has to bend a little and hubby feels we can not put off this request any longer. To help the time go by more quickly, we went out to dinner and then in the morning we're going to the driving range before we pick up darling daughter.

Heavy sigh...

In other news...

Tornado hits Iowa City - http://www.press-citizen.com/apps/pbcs.dll/frontpage